Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
