I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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