4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
