Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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