you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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