how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
