Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
