Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
