we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
