well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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