dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
