Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
