holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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