So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
