it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
