...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
