i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
