too bad you live with your parents still
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
