Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
