I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
