Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
