he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
