remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
we're so committed to being not committed
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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