Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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