Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Only a mothe r could love this liver
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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