Apparently you make a good broom.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
