woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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