I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
