i just wanna soil my oats bro
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
