I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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