'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
