for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you will always have a special place in my vag
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
