what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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