Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
