I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
