I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
