i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
