Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
