You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
