the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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