my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
