So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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