Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Randomize
