Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
