Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
