So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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