Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
