I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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