please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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