I'll bet she douches with gravy.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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