Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
